Today's entry is brought to you by too much coffee and not enough smoking of the cigarettes. Damnit I always said I wasn't a quitter, I should have stuck with that.

So yes, the quitting smoking thing wasn't working out for me. So I quit....it. Sunday I broke down and had a cigarette at time that wasn't allowed. See I made a schedule of sorts to get myself over this addiction. Yes a shedule, don't make fun, I'm OCD and I know it. Anyhow, the schedule was that I smoke when I get up in the morning, because I always need a cigarette first thing. Then I take a shower, wake up the kid, feed the kid and myself, and I get to smoke again. Then I get the kid ready for school, I feed her a snack before school, take her to school, go to the gym. Come home, shower once again, eat lunch, and I get to smoke once more. Then I pick the kid up from school, feed her lunch, help her with her homework, clean up the house, do my chores, and then it's close to dinner time, so I cook, eat, and I get to smoke again. And then I do whatever till the bed calls me, and I smoke one last time before hitting the sack.

Well Sunday I was so bored outta my mind, I gave up. The hell with it I said. This is just too stressful of a time to quit smoking. And honestly, that's an excuse but partly the truth. With the husband gone...and the stresses I have on myself with our upcoming move to Colorado, and the fixing up of the house, and then just everyday crisises that seem to occur, I figure I'm not quite ready. I'm gonna give it my best shot after this next payday, becuase then I'll be able to afford some sort of patch or something. I hate resorting to the patch. I really wanted to give this my all without that; but it's not gonna happen that way.

So moving on...yesterday I had a panic attack. I kept having these wierd things happen to me on the internet. My personal email was hacked into; then my Myspace account password had been changed; then I get this weird email from Ebay stating that someone had accessed my account illegally, and they had frozen my account until I take action; then I check my secondary private email and it had even been hacked into! So whoa! After that, I called the Military Police here on base, because my mind started racing and I thought someone was stalking me and trying to figure out where I lived or something. Total freak show.

They police said they would keep a watch out on my house, and they alerted OSI (the Air Force's version of the FBI); and they were looking into it. I contacted my Mom this morning, and because she works with mortgage lending, she accessed my credit and said that as of right now there is no suspicious activity on there, but she was going to put an alert on my credit, which will stop any credit transactions for a while. This all concerning identity theft. It makes me very uneasy. The main reason is because I'm here ALONE, without a husband for a good while. I wonder if every military wife goes through something like this the first time thier husband is away for so long. It's very scary.

So moving on, and wrapping up....I calmed myself down enough last night to get some rest. But not much. And I also calmed down the smoking today as well. Instead of a whole pack, I only consumed a half pack. That is better than before i started quitting. So that counts for something. I'm still a little uneasy about this internet hacking into thing, and I make sure every door in my house is locked at all times, and I keep a bat by my bed now! HAHA! No actually I'm serious. And tomorrow I'm really excited about meeting my friend Stacy for coffee; I can't wait to get out of this house and do something and feel like a real person.
So that's about all....I'm barely holding my eyes open....I've missed Diaryland, I'm glad I'm back, and I'm hoping it will get me through the long weeks without my husband, I sure do miss him.

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