My life seems so repetitive at this moment. It really sucks.

Today I set up my online journal. Yea, this should be fun. Also, finished some overdue homework. Also, what fun! (catch the sarcasm) I did some laundry, again much fun. It�s all the same. I hate that. I need something new. I don�t know what the hell to do about it, but I still have to vent that I want something new and fun to do.

I have a young daughter. Her name is Kailee and she is 3 years old. She truly is a beautiful little girl. I love her to death and she is my world. Tomorrow she officially starts preschool. This should be exciting! I know she will enjoy getting out of the house every week. Kailee is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There is not a minute where I am not thankful for her being in my life. She saved me. I always hope that we get along and that she doesn�t grow up to hate me! HAHA. That would be devastating. My life revolves around her well being and happiness.

Things here in Idaho are hell. Yesterday I drove a friend to get her cat. I will be keeping this cat for the next month. I am happy to help her with her situation. But while driving 200 miles to pick up this cat, I realized how sad a place Idaho is. There is not much beauty here. It�s brown, dessert, some mountains, but they are brown and pretty much ugly as well. The people aren�t very nice either. YUCK! How did I end up here? I also realized how much I miss Tennessee. My lovely home state. There is nothing special about Tennessee, but it is home to me. It is the only place in the world that I want to live. Of course I would love to travel and see the world, but I want to live at home. I recently returned to Idaho from Tennessee. I was in Tennessee for two months. I was supposed to stay for three months, but cut the visit early because I needed to. I miss the regular things like driving all over to see my family there. I had so much fun while I was there. I just miss the damn place. Earlier today I thought of a gas station that I used to frequent. I would stop there almost daily to get a drink or gas or cigarettes. It�s the small places like that that I miss most. It sucks here in Idaho.

Anyway, while driving my friend to get her cat, I also remembered what it was like to have a close friend and how much I miss that so very much. In Tennessee I had a good friend. But she doesn�t seem to care about me much anymore. Oh well, I moved on. But the one thing I dreaded most about returning to Idaho was not having a friend at all. However, I met a really nice girl this past week. Her name is Dawn; she is the girlfriend of one of Tommy�s friends. We seem to have much in common. And while talking with her yesterday, I found that I missed my friends. It may sound petty, but it�s true.

I could complain about so many things and go on and on for hours. But I really have no need to. It�s useless. I have not got that bad of a life. I�m very well taken care of and lucky for someone my age. I should just get over it right? Well, that�s hard. I find myself listening to a lot of music. Particularly that of my two favorite bands, A Perfect Circle, and Tool. Their music is very deep with much meaning. I lose myself in their lyrics and composition. I find it to be very therapeutic. So, I�ll close with some lyrics from my favorite band. These lyrics are from the song called Gravity. The song in some ways describes how I truly feel about myself and my life. Enjoy and good night.

"Lost again

Broken and weary

Unable to, stand on my own." - Maynard James Keenan, APC

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