Why must everything in life become so complicated? One simple task such as getting my cable installed can become so fucking difficult and it annoys me. I want a simple life, with out some fuck up all the damn time. I want to go two weeks without running out of money. I want to sit at my computer with out my DSL fucking up. I want to lie in bed and be able to fall asleep easily. I want serenity.

Two nights ago I watched the movie Fight Club. I have seen this movie before. But after watching it the second time, I felt like I finally understood the meaning behind it. I am tired of always trying to belong and trying impress people. I just want to be who I am and say fuck the world.

I am tired of trying to make everyone around me happy. It�s not my problem if they are not happy.

I should only worry about making my daughter and myself happy.

I�m tired of always being someone I�m not to be the better person.
I�m not better, I�m not a God, and I can�t give you the world. I can�t solve your problems, and I can�t make you happy.

So leave me alone.

I�m concentrating on myself now. On my inner peace which I have neglected for the last few months.

It�s my turn to have serenity.

But during the movie Fight Club, I decided that it was awesome the way Ed Norton�s character thinks. �I am Jack�s colon. I am Jack�s complete and utter surprise!� I mean what an interesting way to express one�s self. I have not been able to get it out of my head either. Ever since watching the movie, I have been thinking this way.

�I am Starla�s stomach needing food.�

�I am Starla�s greed.�

�I am Starla�s nicotine craving.�

�I am Starla�s impatience.�

�I am Starla�s hurt feelings.�

�I am Starla�s want and need to be with my mommie.�

�I am Starla�s bladder that needs emptying.�

�I am Starla�s depression.�

What is it about that? I don�t know. I simply love it! I have started seeing myself in a different way. In the eyes of other people. I have decided I don�t like myself, and I want to change. I mainly see myself from my daughter�s point of view, and I just can�t understand what it is about me that she loves so much. If I have to ask myself these questions, then how can I possibly think I�m a good person? "I am Starla's honesty."

It�s amazing the things in life that become difficult and complicated. It�s amazing how one simple task such as being one�s own true self becomes the most difficult thing in one�s life. And it�s amazing that a person that used to find her inner peace every day can no longer find it for even a moment.

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