My mom has had this friend, Bob, that�s his real name by the way, and she�s known him for like 12 years I think. He�s become like an uncle to me. In fact, my daughter calls him �Uncle Bob�. This friend of hers, yes they have been romantic before, but he has issues with marriage, and my mother wants nothing more in life but to marry again someday. Bless her heart. But anyway, this friend of hers always writes me in this sucky ass place I call Ida-hell (Idaho) and he writes me to make me feel better about living here. Ya know, shine some light on my pathetic life here. (In reality, I do not have it all that bad; I�m just bored all the time, and miss my family terribly) Anyway � again, I keep getting off subject � so he writes to me and tells me about how he�s doing and conversations or meetings with my mother. He calls her my �Mother Figure�. I think he says that because she is so young to have me, I�m 22 and she JUST turned 39. And she also has a grandchild, my daughter, and that blows his freaking mind out of the water. So, I believe that is why he calls her my �Mother Figure�. And that is exactly what she is, my �Mother Figure�. She�s not quite the mom next door, she�s wild and we love getting drunk together, but she is a lot like that mom next door because she sets me straight all the damned time.

I feel bad because I have hurt her so many times, and disappointed her. I wasn�t the best daughter and now I know that. I wish that I could go back in time and do things so much differently. But I guess if I didn�t do some of the things I did, then how would I know I was wrong. I know that my mother loves me no matter what, and I understand how she can now, because I have a wonderful daughter that will always be perfect in my eyes with just a few slight mishaps. This is how mothers think.

Anyway, I am so excited! And this is why.. bare with me because I must rewind and tell my story of a fucked up kind of day I had in order for you to understand my excitement!

First, early early this morning, I was still awake at around 5:00 AM reading a journal of a girl I now have a new found respect for. This girl�s journal is addicting and her real life stories are just like reading a book. Anyway, I finally decided enough was enough and headed to bed around 5:00 but still was awake tossing and turning at 5:30 the last time I looked. Then at 7:30 AM, RISE AND SHINE! The morning Jubilee plays on the base sound system and wakes me up out of the dead sleep that I just fell into. And I HAD to get up because we had our move in inspection thing at 9:00 AM. So, I attempted to get out of bed and get ready, but I kept falling asleep on the foot of the bed, so I just gave up. I can never sleep at the right times damnit! So at around 8:30, my husband calls me from class and tells me that I need to check the entire house for any little thing that could be wrong before the inspection people get here. I�m like what the fuck? I�m half asleep, and I can barely keep my eyes open, much less look for tiny details like that. He says that we should look because if they find those things wrong when we move out, we�ll have to foot the bill. So, I did my best. I came up with like 8 things. He came home early to do it, and found like 50 things! But oh well, he�s trained to notice details, I�m not.

So, when he comes home, he says that he�s going to the BX to pay off our military credit card with our moving money that we finally got from the government. I was a little upset about this. I wanted to wait to pay that off completely because we needed other things like tires for our car and what not. But there was no arguing with him. He agreed to let me go to Wal-mart first and get things that I needed and then go pay what was left on the credit card. We ended up getting our tires done, and our oil changed, and was in Wal-mart for over 2 hours. I felt like a �Wal-rat�. Sort of like �Mallrats� only in Wal-mart. I love shopping there, but after the second hour passed, I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. While waiting on the car to get finished, my mother calls. She keeps asking me anxiously if I had checked my E-mail at all today. I say no, I�m running on about 5 hours of sleep, and I haven�t been home at all. She says okay, no big deal. Finally, we were done. We then came home and paid off the U-haul bill from out move, another $100.00. We set aside money to pay back my mother because she loaned us money last week, and then headed to the BX with only $174.00 left out of $600.00. The plan was to just buy a hose pipe for outside, then pay the rest on our credit card. Well, that did not go over very well! HAHA! Tommy got slap happy with looking at Theater Surround Sound systems, and decided fuck it, let�s just go ahead and buy it! So we left there with more credit debt than we started out with! HAHA! But oh well, it�ll make living here a little bit better I guess!

So after that I finally come home, and we set up our new stuff. We watched the Star Wars trilogy that just came out on DVD with our new stuff. It was AWESOME! I love Star Wars, and especially the music, so I really enjoyed it. Then I finally check my email, and low and behold, from my great mother � an email with the subject �Santa Claus� says that she is coming to Idaho in November! Now I know that is far away, but OMG she�s coming here! I can�t wait. She�s gonna stay a week, and I�m really happy about it. I miss her dearly. My mother is my life besides my daughter and husband, and I just can�t wait to see her! I miss her so fucking much!

So, that�s why I�m excited. To have a really shitty day on only 5 hours of sleep, it was great to hear that she is coming for a whole week around Christmas. Last year I went home for Christmas and came back to my husband on Christmas Eve. I will not be able to do that this year because of money, and therefore, she�s coming here. This will be my first Christmas where I was not at home. It really sucks. I miss my family so much. My grandparents, my mother, my adoptive grandmother �Viki�, and my step mother and my little sisters. I can�t stand being away from them. I hear every week about something going on that I wish I could be apart of. I sometimes feel like I don�t even belong there anymore. It�s hard to fathom that life goes on the same when you�re not around, but it does. Not that I think the world revolves around me, it�s just that it seems weird to know that the same old things are going on, and I�m not there to experience it. All the drama still happens without me, and I�m not apart of it. But the great thing is that my sister Jessica � 12, and my Step mother, and my mother, and my grandmother, and my �Uncle Bob� still write me on a regular basis to tell me what is going on. The only people that don�t keep in touch with me are my friends. Go figure, they�re not really family. But I used to think of Amber as family. She never writes me or calls anymore. However, there is Melissa who I hear from about once a month. And of course I�d hear from her, I�ve known her for almost 10 years now. She�s a doll. But as far as Amber, I�m still hurt and bothered about her. I�ll eventually get over it, but how could she? How could she when I was all she had for so long � just dump me on the side of the road like a smoked cigarette! Oh well, fuck her! I don�t need her using me anymore.

Amber was not what I intended to talk about. I hate bringing up that subject. So lets forget I mentioned it! My mother is the real subject. I love her to death. She is the best thing in my life and always will be. I only hope that Kailee and I will be close like me and my mom finally are now. God bless my mother, and God bless the plane she�ll be on the day she travels here!

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