Oh dear, my emotions have been nuts today.

First I wake up angry because my husband comes home from work and says, are you gonna sleep all day? Well, no I don�t sleep all day, but I DO sleep until Kailee wakes up! Second, the house is a disaster, and I wanted it neat and clean for the weekend, plus I have loads of laundry to do. Then after running my husband back to work so I could have the car, I go to the post office. I mail out my step-mom�s birthday present and other things, and then I head over to the Family Child Care office. I�m a little bit pissed with my visit. (In case you don�t know what�s going on, I�m in the process of getting liscenced to become an in home child care provider, and I have to get liscenced with the damned U.S. Military which makes it so much harder)

First, I went through training three weeks ago now. I have completed ALL my paperwork, and the only thing left is a physical, which is set for Monday. And she has to set me up with an appointment to get CPR training. Oh, and she has to set me up with an appointment to take a safety test. Okay, so three things remaining. Well, NEXT week is supposed to be my FINAL inspection, and I�m supposed to go to the Lending Office to get all the toys and supplies I�ll need to get started. Well, I ask her about all this, and she tells me that I�m last on the list to get all my stuff done. WHAT THE FUCK? There were four other people in my training class and I understand that she is trying to get all four of us liscenced, but I came into this thing more prepared than the other girls. I already have my contract, my menus, my schedules, and ALL my paperwork done, and she�s putting me off? OH this pisses me off! All the other girls have their CPR training done, except me. All the other girls have taken their safety test, except me. And all the other girls have their oppionments to get their toys and supplies to open, except me! I�m pissed! Really fucking pissed off!

Okay, well, I get over that shit, and come home. I set down for lunch and a movie. Mr. Holland�s Opus is on HBO. I remember I used to LOVE this movie when it came out when I was only 13 years old. So I watch it. Oh my God - either I was too immature to care, or I just didn�t understand, or whatever, but for some reason, I don�t remember this movie being this sad when I first watched it. I cried through the entire thing. There was a scene where Mr. Holland and his new marching band have their first performance, and I cried at that. Then, there was scene where his baby is deaf, and I cried at that. Then there is the scene where John Lennon dies, and I cried at that. And then of course where Mr. Holland sings a song and signs for his deaf son, and that made me cry. But one quote that I just loved, from a John Lennon song, �Life is what happens to you when you�re busy making other plans.� WOW! I love that quote. I know I�ve heard it before, but for some reason it just fit me right now. I think I realized I just need to calm down and chill and everything will be okay. For some reason, this daycare thing is not progressing along like I want it too, but there is a reason for it, and I must be patient. I don�t have patience though. So damn.

Well, on to bigger and better things. Not really. I just typed up another Pieces of You entry, from their archives. And here it is�

So, I joined the website �Pieces of You�, the one where they have a topic for each week, and I have to submit an entry about that topic. Well, the girl isn�t able to update much anymore, so there goes that. She says it�ll only be a while, but no new memberships for right now. So hell, I�ll just write about old topics until its up and running again. Makes me sad though, I was looking forward to participating in this..

Okay, while going through the archives, I came across a great topic, �Pieces of You�. Alright, this topic was to think about what comes to mind when you see the phrase, �Pieces of You�. Here�s my answer�

Well, the first thing that pops in my mind is puzzle pieces. I see them falling from the sky and making up what is me. But there is always one or two pieces missing. Damn, that always happens when I work a puzzle, one piece is always missing, oh well. But here are the pieces of the puzzle that did fit, and that were there�here are the �Pieces of Me�..

One very important puzzle piece to me is my daughter. She would be the outside pieces of my puzzle, the frame, or the base that holds the rest of the puzzle together and makes it workable. I must say that if it wasn�t for my daughter, I wouldn�t be the person I am today.

The next pieces to my puzzle are made up of my mother. The woman that gave me life that cared enough for me to give me up for years, but always be there at the same time. And the woman now that is my mentor, my best friend, and my partner in life. (Eew, not that way pervs!) But she is like my partner, she is always there holding my hand, guiding me where to go next. She is the main portion of my puzzle, the main picture that makes the rest of the puzzle work around. She made me. I love her so much.

Another important part of my puzzle is me. I am who I am today because of my daughter and my mother, however, I am somewhat who I am because of me. My puzzle pieces fit in around everyone else�s, but the important part is that they fit. What are my puzzle pieces like? Well, they have red hair, blue/green eyes, and are about 5 feet 3 inches tall. They are funny, easy going, friendly, truthful, reliable, outspoken and confident. They can be rude, bitchy, angry, pissy, impatient and procrastinating. But for the most part they are fun to be with, exciting, crazy, and always trustworthy. They are well�ME!

Another portion of my puzzle is the things that I value in life. I value my family, I value my friends, I value some material things, I value my talents, and I even value what little money I am blessed to have. I value the fact that I am for the most part healthy and so is my daughter. I value my life, and my family�s life. I value the fact that I am so blessed in this world when so many others are not. These pieces of the puzzle do not take up much space, but are so very important.

The last portion of my puzzle falls just in the right spot at just the right time. My husband. Yes, my husband also contributes to what I am today. I love him dearly and he is my true partner in life. (Okay, now you can think that pervs!) He loves me, cares for me, and is a wonderful father to our baby girl. He has provided me with so many opportunities in life, and I hope to one day repay him with more than love and gratitude. So far we have been on a pretty fun ride, and I hope it only gets more exciting! His pieces are right beside me as well, and I know they will be there for a long time.

With all the pieces intact, I still see that some are missing. Maybe this is the void of another child, maybe of a parent, or maybe of the lack of knowing where I�m headed in life. Part of me doesn�t care where those missing pieces are, I am happy where I am in life, and I love my picture. But part of me worries, I worry so much that I may never find those missing pieces, and I could lose all the hope I have left in my life because of that. Whatever the reason for the missing pieces, I start to realize that those missing pieces do not have anything to do with who I am in the present, because the PIECES OF ME that are already intact, will be enough to last me a lifetime.

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