I would just like to thank everyone that commented on my last entry. It was nice to hear the nice comments when I was feeling so down. Thank you so much for lifting me up and making me feel much better about things.

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Life has a way of taking you by the head of the hair and jerking you in a totally different direction than you thought you might be in.

Before early this morning, I thought my life was headed in one direction. Weird how things eventually work out.

I don't talk about my husband on here much. I dont talk about our relationship either. There are many reasons why. One, he doesn't want me to, understandable. Two, we have a rocky relationship from time to time, and I don't feel the need to publish all that all the time. The last reason is because my mine and my husband's relatioship is different than most peoples and while it's not a big thing, it's still different and some people might not get that, but I am comfortable the way things are, and that's all the concern there should be right? So anyway, the point...

Early this morning, I was still up. He was asleep. He woke up, and we got into a huge fight about a lot of different bullshit. A LOT OF DIFFERENT BULSHIT. It was actually stupid the amount of bullshit we started arguing about. And it all started because my house is a complete disaster because I decided to not do one damn thing yesterday. I knew I wasn't doing childcare this morning, I knew I didn't have anywere to be, or anyone coming over, or whatever so I decided to do whatever I want and that was be lazy. The husband did NOT like this one bit. So we fought. About this and other things.

The fight turned ugly. Almost nasty. There was talk of divorce. I won't lie, lots of serious talk of us filing for a divorce and working something out. Lots of talk. Serious talk, the most serious talk of divorce we have ever EVER had. So, that's that.

Finally, we came to a conclusion. He finally expressed his love for me in a very different way. Finally. He seemed to open up to me, in his own little weird man way, but he did. Finally, he told me what he wanted.

I won't lie, our marriage up until this point was just up in the air. If it worked it worked, if it didn't it didn't. We love each other, but we also knew that things could not work out, and so who knows. But, now it's changed. It seems to be more real. More in touch, more affective.

At the conclusion of our fight, we said our "I Love yous" and "I'm sorrys". We kissed and made up. Today, for the first time in a very VERY long time, my husband held me. He held me in a big bear hug, told me he loved me, and would not let me go. Even though he needed cigarettes and would be late for work if he didn't let me go right then, he still held me, and would not let me go. In that moment, I felt something that had been gone for a very long time. Something that was there when we were first together back in High School. I felt that new feeling of love. My husband looked me in the eye differently and told me he loved me today. And there were tears. HE, not me, HE had tears.

There was something in those tears, that bear hug, the look in his eyes, and the way he said I love you, something there that made everything different on this day. And something that makes me feel like there will be nothing now that we can't get through. And something there so strongly that I know I want to do whatever it takes to make things work and make him happy and vise versa.

Now, I've almost deleted this entry four times, and I'm still not sure I should post it. But I'm gonna. Maybe he'll read this, and it will reassure him of my undying love for him. And if he doesn't, then oh well. But for the most part, I just want to express my love for my husband. That's it.

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