Saturday, May 21st, wow.

Ummm, I have totally forgotten to mention in my last updates that May 21st is my birthday. Yep, my birthday. I forgot it was comin up. I mean I knew it was coming, but I forgot it was THIS week. Crazy. How depressing is that? It was just today, or yesterday literally, okay freaking Friday then, that I realized, "hey, my birthday is TOMORROW?!?!?" WTF? Am I that depressing?

So, 23 years ago on this fateful day I was delivered to this world. Weird how life begins. I have to admit, even after having a kid of my own, it's still weird to me.

And I'm sitting here, still in Tennessee, as I realize my time is winding down ever so quickly here, at my mother's house, on the internet reading about Star Wars, and I realize, "Hey, it's after midnight, and now it's my Birthday." Shit. I know that I am NOT old by no means, but I do feel old.

My mother has been trying to plan a big thing for me tomorrow night. And what do I say, "Umm, no I'd rather hang out at the house and kick back with some beers, music, and play some cards with the girls." Yea, sad. I don't even wanna do anything for my birthday. I just wanna stay at home?? Huh? When did this happen to me. Last year, I was all geared up to go partying. I was dressed up for a night on the town. I was ready to get fucked up. And I was in Tennessee! I have yet to spend a birthday in Idaho haha! But I was with Amber last year. And while on the way to the bars, my vehicle broke down. So we headed back to her house, where we got fucked up sort of, but her roomate (a girl) and her boyfriend kept asking Amber and myself to make out. Yea that was weird. And then I got ditched by Amber so she could go be with her boyfriend, and that pissed me off really badly, so I spent the rest of the night on my Dad's back porch crying to my husband on the phone. Ugh, I'm such a depressing baby.

But, it's my Birthday, and this year I really didn't care. I don't a cake, I don't want a party, I just want to chill. For some weird reason it doesn't mean much to me this year. I guess once you turn 16 and you can drive, you look forward to turning 18 so you can be free and buy cigarettes, then you look forward to turning 21 so you can drink legally and after that it's nothing.

However, I am thankful for being alive. I could have died in the last year. I mean I flew across the country twice, and I have driven across it once, (in a blizzard I might add) and I was deathly ill for like two months at the beginning of this year, and last year the husband and I were so broke it's a wonder that I kept food in our house, and I used to smoke a pack of day of cigarettes and I have asthma, so it's a wonder I haven't collapsed my lungs, and so I must be thankful that I surrvived the last year of my life without dying, which means I got to watch my baby girl turn from a toddler to a beautiful little girl and person. That is reason to celebrate I think, and reason to be happy that I'm alive for my birthday.

Hey, I'm an optimist, so I must find the positive somewhere.

SO, in the end I guess I'm happy to watch the clock roll over and to be turning 23. I remember the days when I thought 23 was old. Well, I still think I'm old. Not because of the number of my age, but because of how I live my life. Not like your normal 23 year old I assure you of that. But I do have alot more than most 23 year olds do, so there ya go, more positive in every aspect of my words.

Well, Happy Birthday to me, and Happy Birthday to everyone else out there that has one today. And Happy weekend to everyone else. Bye!

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