So my mood is gradually getting better. Each day I find something out new that makes me look up instead of down. I've been going to the gym, working out, trying to get back in shape. The Husband and I are seriously thinking about trying to have another baby....thinking about and talking about being the operative word seeing as he's away for another month.....and well, I'm back to quitting smoking, and I feel much better about it this time. I'm still not sleeping all that great. Though last night I did enjoy 4 hours of sleeping bliss before I woke up for no reason at all. Man that was nice. Loved it. Even the weird ass crazy realistic dream I had.

In this dream....I was dating, or engaged to actually, the doctor on Nip/Tuck...of course Christian, because he's the freaking hottest, and you love to hate him. And, well it was the charatcer I was with, Dr. Troy, NOT the actor himself. Which is weird because usually when I'm with a celebrity in a dream, I'm dating the actual ACTOR, not the character they play, but that was not it in this case. So yea, moving on, I'm engaged to this Doctor from Nip/Tuck. And there was this benefit Ball we had to attend. And Amber was there with me. We were getting all prettied up for the event, in these really expensive gorgeous dresses. It was surreal. And so my fiancee, Dr. Troy, calls me to tell me to meet him and Amber's date there, he sent for us a limo. Awww, it was sweet. And next we're at this hotel for the benefit Ball, and all of a sudden my fiancee, Dr. Troy, hands me the keys to his car and says get the hell out of here. And I'm like WTF? And he's like NOW! So we turn to leave and hear gunshots, so yea we took off running at full force to Dr. Troy's very nice Lambergini, like he drives on the show. And next Amber and I driving down this highway in the middle of nowhere, probably in Wyoming, because that is literally the middle of nowhere. And we're listening to some news show on the radio about the war in Iraq, and Amber tells me to stop the car. She then gets out, and tells me goodbye forever. WTF??? Weird I know. Next, I'm driving all alone still in the middle of nowhere, but now in MY SUV, not Dr. Troy's car, and I'm not engaged to him, this is my real life. I see a guy hitch hiking on the side of the road, so I stop to pick him up. Another weird thing because I NEVER do that. And I can't see this guy's face. He says hi, shut up, and put this CD in the CD player. So I do, and it's Tool. And I still can't see his face or know who he is, but I tell him very happily, "OMG, I LOVE TOOL!". He then says "I know you do, I was meant to meet you, it came to me in a dream." ANd I look up and it's my HUSBAND. Though we're not married in the dream. So next, I'm driving along ALONE once more, this time with Tool still playing in my CD player, and I see this sign that says "Tool Fans turn left". So I turn left. To my amazement, it was the city of Denver right ahead of me. I keep following these signs that say "Tool Fans" with arrows telling me which way to go. And I end up on the street where I met Adam Jones (guitar player for Tool) when we went there to see them in concert. I park and get out of the car and walk into the building where they played and they are having a sound check. A guy steps up behind me and taps me on the shoulder asking me if I followed the signs, and I replied yes. He then tells me to follow him. Now, I'm in the back of some building. Nothing there but a lonely chair. I hear a voice that says to sit down, so I sit. That voice then says "Amanda, you have reached your Final Destination.....congrats." At this point in my dream, I'm so calm and NOT freaking out, that it's a little bit freaky. All I can remember beyond that point is being back at the Tool concert that I went to last May. In the dream, I was standing there just like I did that night during the song "The Patient" holding up my cell phone so Chris, (our old friend) could hear it. And that was when I woke up.

And that was that. I pondered over this dream the entire time I was in the shower....what could all that have meant...??? The thing I decided to take from it is that ..

#1. I was destined to marry the person I'm married to. That is almost obvious. I love him to death, and we are hardly alike, but alike enough to match perfectly. I couldn't imagine myself with any other person.

#2. I have watched WAY too much Nip/Tuck over the last week, and I'm possibly crushing on the hot doctor....I hope not though.

#3. Tool is my favorite band. Period. We all knew that though.

#4. The part where I was told that I have reached my Final Destination....well, I'm figuring that has something to do with moving to Colorado in December. At least I'm hoping so. I was in Denver when I was told that. SO, I'm guessing that fate is taking us there....military making us aside....there is a reason. And I'm excited to find out why.

#5. For some reason, Amber said goodbye to me forever. I don't like this part of the dream at all. Amber and I parted ways back in August, because had to leave Tennessee and move back home to New York. BUT, it wasn't goodbye forever by any means. I know we'll see each other again. But we both want to live in the same city again, close to each other. I hope that this part of the dream wasn't something telling me that was never going to happen.

So....that's it. I'm looking forward to what lies ahead for us. Not fearing it anymore. I don't even know why I was nervous about moving, but I was. Now I'm excited. And I have that dream to thank...weird as that may sound, I think our dreams tell us all something.

And in other news. I read tonight that the Smashing Pumpkins are going to post a blog about thier current studio work. I freaking am excited about that! The Pumpkins are one of my most favorite bands of all time. I LOVE seeing those words together....Smashing Pumpkins, Studio, news!!! Even though it's only 2 of the original members, I still think it'll be good. And The Smashing Pumpkins single handedly got me through my teenage years. So fuck yea.

Well that's all..........sleep tight....drink coffee.

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