Well....been a couple days, so I didn't want all my lovely friends thinking I fell off the face of the earth, so I figured I'd write a bit.

Nothing really to write about. Seriously. Nothing. No crazy dreams in the last few days. I DID have a dream the other night that my daughter lit up a cigarette.......more fuel to get me to quit? I think so. I'm still on that track by the way. Doing pretty well at it this time. I had a relaspe, like most people do when they quit an addiction. I first went from being addicted to cigarettes, to be addicted to Hershey's Kisses and Vitamin C drops, but then I relasped and once again on the nicotine. Now, I'm off that....doing much better this time around. I just told myself, this is it. One month left till the husband gets back, and I want the habit more than over will before he returns. So now I'm back on the Vitamin C drops. They actually do help with the oral fixaction part of it. But they don't solve the shaky shake thing that happens when my body starts feeling withdrawels. But, I am confident this time around. And I really do want to quit, so I think I will be more successful than I was a month ago.

Ok, so moving on. The husband and I have officially decided on having another baby. As in, we're gonna do it. Life is short, and well we're 24, and Kailee is 5, and I just want her to have a brother or sister before she's 10. I feel like the best time to do it is now, before I jump back into working, or head to school for the weather. SO, we're gonna start trying when he returns from training. I'm actually really excited about it. This time around, I get to be happy and excited, versus last time where I dreaded the whole thing. You know being 18 and right out of high school, and unmarried doesn't exactly appeal to the masses. Though that was 6 years ago, things are probably different now. People probably are more than happy to hear their child is knocked up right out of high school because at least they didn't do it during high school and at least they graduated. Oh well. Either way, getting pregnant with Kailee was a very tough milestone in my family, and for myself as well. Me being on the straight -to -college -get -degree- get -career path that I was on. SO, point is, it was hard to get through the first few months of pregnancy, with the dread of breaking the news to my family, then moving out on my own, and giving up all hopes of college for at least 2 years....it sucked. And of course, it was amazing in the end, I have this wonderful daughter that I wouldn't trade ANYTHING for....not even a career that paid $100,000/year. But, it wasn't planned, and it wasn't exactly a happy time for a while. WELL THIS TIME....it gets to be planned, and it gets to be happy, and I get to call home and tell my family excited!! Yea, so that's that.

One thing a little bit bothering me, now bare with me it gets slightly personal here, but one thing that bothers me a little, is that I have not been on Birth Control in 3 and a half years....yet I have not gotten pregnant. Just a little bit of random worry about the whole subject. I really don't think there is a major problem, but I see lots of women MORE THAN deserving of babies not able to get pregnant these days. And it scares me a bit. And I see people getting pregnant that aren't quite fit to be having a baby, and that bothers me a bit too...ugh ok off this and onto something new......

So, I've decided to partake in THIS that I found on BindyRee's page, in order to well, help with my flip-floppy emotional status lately....and give me something to do each week....got the idea from a friend. So...here is what it is...

Free association is described as a "psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head.

*and here is mine for this week....

Stuff :: Too much of it

Block :: babies

Ingredient :: cake

Flagrant :: violation

Dandruff :: thank God I don't have it

Betty :: Boop

Tide :: laundry

Judges :: Supreme Court

Take it easy :: R&R

Chef :: Chinese Food

The person that came up with this calls the page Unconcious Mutterings. So go have a look at that if you wish to participate!!

And well, I guess that's about all there is to say. I've been madly addicted to this new game I found on Pogo, -from one addiction to another - literally....so if I'm not cleaning house, running errands, or at the gym over the next week, I'll be sitting at the computer clicking away trying to beat this damn game. I wish I'd never even started playing it...the addiction is madening!!!

So, that's it....sweet dreams and sweet coffee. Night.

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