I'm having more strange dreams....ready for this one?

I went to visit my family back home. I was with my Dad, Step-mom, three sisters, and all of my Dad's family. Let me just state this is VERY WEIRD because I NEVER visit with my Dad's family. They could give a shit less about me and have proved that over the years. I have not seen or spoken to ANY of them since Christmas of 2002. I plan to keep it that way. But moving on back to the dream...we were at a BBQ at my Dad's brother's house. Everyone in the family was there. And we seemed to be having a good time. Only some people were rude to me. Go figure. Anyhow, my cousin, who is gay, (and I have no problem with that whatsoever) came with her girlfriend. Who was, how do you say a little "butch". Anyhow, I remember her from years ago. She was actually really cool, and was at every event we ever had. So in the dream it was nothing to see her. Until she starts attacking me. She actually said to me that I was a terrible Mother.....and then when I tried to defend myself, she smacked me across the mouth. THEN she started punching me in the back. The whole time, my family is watching, and MY FATHER was laughing his ass off. WTF? I'm getting my ass kicked and everyone thinks this is funny? I finally get away from the crazy woman and grab Kailee to leave, when my Step-Mom comes up to me and says I shouldn't leave because we're about to have cake. That was when I turned to the family and asked them if they were all mental?????? And also informed them that I hope I never see them ever again. With that I got in my car and left, and then woke up. End of Dream.

I can't figure this one out. Usually I can figure something out from a dream. But the fact that I was literally getting my ass kicked by my cousin's girlfriend, and my entire family thought this funny....well I just can't pull anything out of that dream. I give up.

I honestly have never understood why I have always been such an outcast with my Father's family. It used to bother me. Like when I was 19, living alone, and gave birth to a baby, and NOT ONE PERSON ever called or came by to visit. Or maybe it was the fact that while I was pregnant with Kailee, two of my cousins were also pregnant. And my Aunt and my Step-Mom kept bragging about the HUGE baby shower they were gonna throw all three of us. WELL. When time came for said baby shower, I called my Step-Mom to see what was going on with it? She said she didn't know and would get back to me. Well....a week later I recieve an invite to my cousins' baby showers. Held for BOTH OF THEM, BY MY AUNT. WTF??? I was extremely hurt by this. Then there was Kailee's 1st Birthday party. Because my Mom and Dad are divorced, Kailee was blessed with TWO birthday parties. One with my Mom's family, one suppose to be with my Dad's family. It was to be held at my Dad's house. I had invited my cousins and thier children, my Aunt and Uncle, a couple of other people that lived in the area, and of course my Dad, Step-Mom and sisters. I had ordered a cake, bought decorations, everything was ready to go....when my Step-Mom calls me about a week before and says that my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins were going out of town that weekend to South Carolina. I just called the whole party off, Kailee was fine with just my Mom's party, and well she never knew any better at 1 year anyhow. But I DID, and I was bothered of course. After that I vowed only to be apart of that family during holidays. Nobody ever wondered where I was on camping trips or parties. Which they throw a LOT of parties. I never missed them either...they didn't miss me. Fine.

But even before Kailee came around, I was never included in many family things. Every year they all take a family vacation somewhere. TOGETHER. Whether it be to the lake one year, or to Canada another, or to Florida the next. Everyone goes. It's always a huge deal. Well, the year they went to Canada, I would have DIED to go. I've always wanted to go to Canada. But I wasn't invited. My Dad and Step-Mom went, and I spent 2 weeks out of my summer babysitting my little sisters instead of being on that trip. Nobody even thought to ask if I wanted to go. Nobody.

The good thing now, as it is with anyone back home that I have issues with, I NEVER HAVE TO SEE THEM. I live four states away. And with my Father's family, that's fucking fine by me. I have plenty of family on the other side that care about us, and I just stopped worrying about them years ago. When I got married, and NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON SHOWED UP TO MY WEDDING, I decided right then and there that I was DONE with them, and I would no longer spend my time mulling over the fact that they could care less about me. Except for this entry, I've mulled over it a bit, but I'm done mulling.

I'm off to enjoy some time in Pogo.

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