I feel the need to write. I have no idea what about really. My eyes are burning I'm so sleepy. I'm usually in bed by midnight these days, but tonight I can't sleep.

It's depression again.

I honestly am trying my hardest to deal with this and get over it. I've said it a million times, I have NO REASON whatsoever to be depressed. A list of things I should be so happy about...

My daughter is healthy and one of the best children in the world. (of course I think so..hehe.)

I'm pregnant with a baby that I so badly wanted for over a year, and he's healthy too.

My Husband works hard so the Air Force will take care of us and I don't have to work.

I have a roof over my head.

I have food.

I have clothes.

Hell I have running water.

People in some places don't have running water.

I even have running HOT water.

Hell I'm lucky enough to have fans throughout my house so I don't swilter in the heat.

Lots of people can't even afford that.

I have healthcare.

I don't have to pay for it either.

Millions of poeple don't have it or pay out the ass for it.

Now I sound like I'm bragging.

Really I'm just trying to be thankful my blessings.

Instead of wallow in whatever the fuck is bothering me so badly.

Which I can't pinpoint what exactly that is.

I'm a nutjob.

So anyhow, writing it all out made me feel a bit better. So at least I accomplished that.

Yea, so the Birthday was ok. Not that I cared that much. But I did have a pretty good one. My Dad called me early this morning, I already spoke of that. It was nice, I was glad he called. Then I talked to my Mom. My friend Stacy in Idaho, My Step-mom and all 3 of my sisters. My Grandparents didn't call. Which was weird, and made me worry just a bit. They usually always call. So makes me wonder if my Granny is sick again. I'll call them tomorrow to make sure. I recieved a bunch of cards from family and friends back home or far away. That's always nice. Getting cards has always been the so neat to me. It's not a big gesture, but it's a small gesture that lets me know people out there care about me. I always love getting the cards. Even when I was a kid.

This afternoon I baked myself a double layer butter yellow cake with chocolate fudge icing. It was amazingly good. I also cooked myself my favorite dinner. My Step-mom used to make it for me when I was younger, hell, she usually cooks it for me everytime I go home nowadays, young or not. But it's fried Pork-chops, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and corn on the cob. My Step-mom always made corn bread with it too. (yea I'm from the south, can't ya tell?) But it was always my favorite meal when I was kid, and she'd make it special for me on my B-day every year, so I treated myself to that, and might I say it was all so yummy. I ate too much. But that's great, because the kid needs it ya know.

So anyway yea, that was the Birthday. Kailee was so upset that she didn't have a present for me. It was the sweetest thing. She went off in her room for a while, and came out later with a big huge drawing on this drawing paper I got her. She even tried wrapping it up like a present. It was the sweetest thing ever, and the best present I could have gotten. God I love that kid so much.

Alrighty then, I'm off to try and sleep some more. THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT SENT ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREETINGS!! It really and truly did mean a lot to me!!! I love all you people bunches!

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